To The Lord

To The Lord

Where do you go when the roses have walls with thorns built around them? Where do you go to keep from dripping blood ? Where do you run to when your hurting and don't want to be alone? Where do you go? Where do you go for protection from the storms life brings? 
Dancing in the rain brings sunshine for a season and so does a book of matches on cold nights, but when the sunshine is all dried up and your feet are too tired to move and the rain has come and gone and nothing is in full bloom. All is left but the gloom, where do you go? 
Where do you go when a shard of a dagger is still left in your heart? Where do you go when eternal sleep seems so peaceful and hell seems so real. Where do you go? 
Where do you go when your tears no one hears? 
Where do you go when the pain gets to real and you start to feel, and there is no one left to rescue you? Where do you go? 

Where do I go, but to the Lord. :)

BY: Bernice Bowling

A Merry Christmas Wish From The Heart.

Tick tock
Watch out for the Christmas clock.
Santa Claus is coming
Trim your tree
Make sure your filled with glee
No sorrow with in me
Said the friendly ghost of Christmas past.
Sing songs of joy

Laughter, friends, food ,jokes and more
Exist this holiday season, but for who?
For me ? For you?
For everyone who puts a side life turmoil for just a little while
To celebrate the birth of Christ

You don't need no money
You don't need nothing but love in your heart
Care for your fellow man
And a love for Jesus
That's all it takes to make this holiday season a season to last and last
Today, tomorrow, and through out the year
The spirit of Christmas can be seen if we hold on to these things in our hearts.
Merry Christmas everyone. :)

BY: Bernice Bowling

A Prayer For The Broken

A Prayer for the Broken

Chains of forgotten sorrows cut me in vain
Like a knife I twist with the tides
Roll in , roll in let the winds carry me safely through
Dry my tears and let me live through out my years
Help me to see it through
Give me life
Give me peace
Let my joy be filled
Let laughter ring in my ears
But only as a sound of friendly cheer
Instead of my enemies jeers.
Sing to me songs of hope and promise
Take away the tides of doom and gloom
Dry up the way side and the salty sea of tears
That's been shed by the shores of broken glass
Let the scars and cuts exist no more except for rememberance of lessons learned
Let my heart me mended and at last, let lonliness be no more.
By : Bernice Bowling

The Stranger I met On The Way To Jail

I was on my way to London to visit a man Whom I was writing to, who was in jail. I didn't know this man, but he was in there with my cousin and he had know one to write him. He was alone and pitiful just like me. So I felt sorry for him. Now I must tell you that at this time in my life I had just gotten over a nervous break down, and I was very lonely and in desperate need of some love and companion ship, and conversation with someone whom I felt wouldn't judge me. Anyway, He sent me a picture and there it started. Of Course later on I found out that he was suspected of cutting the heads off of at least 2 women here where I lived. His first name was Rick. I want say no more,  for that's another story. This is the story of how I met the devil and fell in love immediately.

Anyway, getting back to the story , I was on my way  to the London Jail to visit a man when I realized I needed to stop off for gas now I hadn't been driving very long, (I hadn't gotten my drivers licence until much later in life) so I didn't really know how to put gas in the car since I had always had someone to do it for me. I stopped off at the Marathon gas station in Manchester to get gas and I nervously pulled up to the gas station and began to try to fill up. I had no idea what I was doing and needed help, I looked around for someone to help me and I didn't see anyone. I then thought about going in there to ask the attendant how in the heck do I turn this thing on? Then I thought there is know way I am going in there and tell them There is someone in the world who doesn't know how to work a stupid gas pump ! No I would sneak and ask someone near. Surely someone will come along. That's when I saw him standing there all by himself looking aloof. So I called to him and motioned for him to come over to where I was standing. When he came over I tried to laugh off my embarassment as I explained to him that I had no idea what I was doing and to please help me and so he did. Then he asked me to give him a ride. All of a sudden I remembered all of the hitchiker horror stories I had herd and watched on TV, and had been warned about, but I felt obligated. After all he did help me with my gas tank, and I knew I would feel very guilty if I didn't say yes, so I did. Well I explained to him That I could only take him so far because I was going to see a friend in the London jail. He said that's fine. Long story short I didn't make it to the London jail cause I ended up taking this person every where in the world imaginable !!!!!

I had never in my life been on such a roller coaster ride of going from one place to the next. I had just about had it !!!!! I was mad and P  "Oed".  Well, he saw fast that I was getting agrivated and by now it was getting late so he began to change his way. He became nice, sweet , very charming, and soon I had forgotten all about  the driving I had done earlier on . Well long story short he asked me out and I should have said no but I didn't.  I will continue the rest of the story later. It doesn't end like you think it's going to.

My Heart Spoken

Knives, Swords of steal,
Plunging into my chest,
Leaving me breathless,
I cry for my heart.

Blood dripping, curls and screams,
Can't stop the pain.
It's unreal,
What was done to me.
I cry daily,
Wanting revenge.

They must suffer and pay,
Lier, deceiver,
Back door cheater.
Whose going to turn on me next?
A friend, another boo ?
I don't think so !

I am cutting myself off
From the world you see.
No other man will get a chance
To hurt me, not even a friend,
Or someone who calls them self a friend.
Really it's just an enemy in the end.

By: Bernice Bowling

Just Another Menstral Pain Complaint

Heaven help me it's that time again.
Advils been taken
Heating pads awaken
I'm sick and need to throw up

Knives in my belly multiplied
pain stricken and going to cry
screaming pains
no man can imagine

Oh Lord take this thing from me
or let me die
sheak and shriek
crys that scream I am going to die

How to handle this
just one more time
When will this finally be over
Let me sleep
I can't breathe

It's too much for me to bare
Remember child birth
breathe in breathe out
breathe in breathe out
Soak in hot water
see if that will help

Chills down my body
Im dying
so it feels
Lord what do other women Feel ?
IS this pain as real for them?
Why me?
Why so bad for me?

I need more Advil
Once a month I become an addict for anything
that will take this pain away
men don't feel .
If it was up to me they would.

Bible scriptures for menstal pain
do they exist?
Wish I could find one.
The bible has everything else

Take out what hurts
That's what I would tell the surgeon if he or she we were here.
Take it out quick and leave me be.
Heaven help me
Set me free
Dear Lord, Take this pain away
I can't stand to hurt no more
in Jesus name I pray take it away
Please help me to pray to take this pain away in Jesus name
Amen and Amen

It's got to go away
I can't hurt another second
I gotta go,
Good bye cruel world
Good bye pain
Thank you Lord
Help me Jesus
I need you now and always

My Mother Never Liked Christmas

My mommy never cared much for Christmas after she lost her daughter, Wanda, and later her own mother. The joy of the season had been touched by grief. She never wanted to put up a Christmas tree, yet every year she did it anyway—for me. That was love.

Now she is gone, and I am the one left behind, missing her more than words can say. Still, just as she did for me, I do my best to make Christmas special for my son. The tree is trimmed, the gifts are placed beneath its branches, but more important than any present, he knows why we celebrate Christmas.

Every year I tell him about Jesus Christ, the Son of God. I tell him how He came into this world to save us from our sins. I tell him how He willingly suffered unimaginable pain, humiliation, betrayal by a trusted friend, mocking, beatings, and the agony of the cross. I tell him how His blood was shed on Calvary so we would not be lost, and how on the third day He rose again in victory over death.

I tell the Christmas story every year because I never want my son to forget the true meaning of Christmas.

Forgivenss

Pains of sacrifice
mistakes being made
words being said
never meaning to hurt but just to help heal
my broken heart.
Only time has forgotten what
once was spoken
dancing on the wings of regret
I'm sorry for the words that were spoken
Never meaning to hurt, only to help me to heal
Didn't think anyone paid attention, but maybe they do
For that I am sorry, and I hope you are too.
Forever, let's part in peace and forgiveness
straight from the heart.
Let God's love rest upon you
forever in his arms, wrapped in forgiveness and in love.
I forgive you, and I hope you forgive me too.

By: Bernice Bowling

I Got Something To Say !

I am having a very hard time this month as I do every year at this time dealing with anniversaries of peoples deaths that are in my family like my mom and my papaw. My mom was born Oct 20th of 1919, she died Nov 1 1999. My papaw died Oct 24 th about 5 years before she did. It's all very hard you see. I know there in heaven in a much better place, but it doesn't stop me from missing them. I don't like to think about it. I try not to be sad. I try not to think about them so that I want be sad. Sometimes that just doesn't work. God can heal our broken heart. The Bible says blessed are those that mourn for they shall be comforted so I try to hang on to that.

Forgive Me

Forgive Me

Words said in anger

All in efforts trying to heal

With a sorrowful heart I bend and kneel

Lord, forgive me.

Enemies, Frienemies

Fake and real

Sorry for the damage

Caused by loss, suffering, and medicine I used to heal.

Sorry for the words ill-spoken

and the way it made you feel.

Forgive me

Let this peace be a seal

By: Bernice Bowling

Forgiveness, It Is A Choice

Unforgiveness  of past hurts and betrails, lies and abuse can take such a hold on you that it will produce a monster in you just like the ones who did you wrong only worse.  It will take your life and eat away at ever fiber of your being every part of you until their is nothing left. It starts out as a small seed , then before you know it . It's taken root and has grown into a large tree.

You have to forgive not only for you but for your life and peace of mind, and those around you. Don't ever think that it want effect the ones around you because it does. Whatever is in your heart will spill out somewhere and you have to be willing to make a choice. Am I going to stay this way, and end up going to hell ?  You can't go on living in unforgivingness and expect to be successful in life. It's too consuming and it want profit you anything.

Choose to forgive. Pray for your enemies and those who spread horrible rumors and lies about you. Pray for those who despitefully use you and those who are abusive towards you. Learn to forgive and walk in the way of love. For those of you who are in abusive situations, you must forgive, but you don't have to stay in that situation. It's best to get out before it's too late.

I can not express enough the importance of forgiving someone who does you wrong and tells lies on you and abuses you and whatever else they have done. You have to forgive everyone. You can not hold anything against anyone, and expect to go to heaven it is impossible. You have to forgive, no matter what. It's your choice. You have to be willing to make a choice. Now are you willing to forgive? It's up to you. You choose heaven or hell, It's that simple. Forgive or not forgive it's up to you. It doesn't matter how many times they lied and took advantage of you and told whatever lies about you that was told. You still have to forgive. No matter how many times they abused you in whatever way or used and mistreated you. You still have to forgive.

By:
Bernice Bowling

The Beginning Of Sins......A short story you don't want to know!

Darkened strays stalked the night air as she walked in the woods past the moonlight creatures. She kissed the night in her heart as if it had been a lover. Oh, how she loved it. The electricity of night is what she called it. No one knew the blood lust that existed in her. The blood craving that emerged so strongly at the least bit of anger. Anger so strong that she could murder almost anyone, almost.

The thoughts of her first kill would sing out in her ears forever as she reminisced about how it felt to rip his skin off his clean, freshly shaven head while he was tied up, and screaming those beautiful, unearthly screams of his, ha, ha. What a sound she thought. She smiled; it was such a good smile, filled with such amusement that it was touching to the heart if you didn't know what she was really smiling about.

A soft bunny rabbit was what they thought of her. A soft furry bunny rabbit for them to pet, she thought as she laughed. She wasn't a bunny rabbit. She was more like a vicious demon from the darkest inner parts of hell that you could ever imagine. Fresh blood streaming down her blade as she slid the knife upward through his stomach, only after scalping him alive, then feeding the scalp to her wolf she kept as a pet nearby for such things. Chuckling to herself, remembering each detail. Oh, no one knew what fun really was, no one, but her and maybe a friend or two.  The pain that man must have felt as she ripped him apart. Splitting his man parts in half and dividing them between him and the wolf. Oh, how she loved the feed; too bad he took all the fun out of it when he died too fast. What a wimp! Oh, but she would learn how to keep them alive longer over time. She would learn; these things take time. Trial and error, don't you know,  trial and error.

By: Bernice Bowling

This short story is a good example of what a person could become if they don't learn to forgive and they let anger come in and take too great a foothold. You become a demon just like the ones who hurt you.  Learn to forgive and don't become like the horrible woman in this story. Invite Christ into your life. :)

Temperatures of Unrest

Temperatures of Unrest

Sweat and tears pour down like rain

I watch in vain

While the years pour out

Upon this window pane

I watch this traffic flow by each day

Wondering where and why life has taken me this way

And then I realize time stands still

During grey skies and clouds so full. 

Will it ever stop raining?

The sun needs to come out and shine

Give it to God, let him see it through

As the clouds begin to fade

The sunlight now shines through

Where people aren't so cruel

And Kindness rules

By Bernice Bowling

Two Advils In One Hand And A Chocolate Chicken In Another

Two Advils In One Hand And  A Chocolate Chicken In Another

Steely knives stabbing away at my insides

Hateful as a bear skinned alive

Trying to hide what I am feeling

Oh my goodness, how painful this existence

Pain making my hands shake

As I try not to bite the heads off these chocolate chickens

I bite the chickens' heads off anyway and spit them out

Where's me another?

Pain, gloves and Advil

Maybe a little love and sympathy...... NOT

At least not from this bunch

Hell hath no fury like a woman in pain 

Where did my love go?

It will come back with more Advil, lol.

Hand me my Pepsi

Anybody got anymore, chickens?

A dog or two maybe a cat or a bird?

What? Where did everybody go?

Don't run and hide?

Anybody got a Billy goat?

When will it end?

I hate this pure pain

 nobody understands

My time is worse than everyone else's.

How could it not be?

Everyone else can function.

Not me.

I need a heating pad, medication, and chocolate chickens

To get me through once a month

When it all returns

Who to strangle?

Adam?

The snake?

Or Eve?

By Bernice Bowling

Tid Bits and after thoughts of me rambling from subject to subject of the Bible

 We have forgiveness because Jesus died for our sins when he died on the cross and rose again the third day. Our belief in that is all we need to be saved from a devils hell.
 You must believe that Jesus is the son of God and that He died on the cross and rose again the third day. Confess your sins and ask God to forgive you and then forgive others as you have been forgiven. Trust God for the rest. If your having trouble forgiving ask God to help you and He will.  :)

How often have I felt like Daniel in that Lions den. you know the way you feel when you walk into a room filled with animosity, but nobody will say a word. You know they want to tear you a part, but their all playing lock jaw, at least in your presence. I'd say that's a lot like how Daniel felt as he was standing in this lions den. I don't think I would have slept there, but I imagine Daniel just may have cause he trusted in the Lord. He knew when you trust in the Lord no weapon formed against you shall prosper.

 I imagine what hell would be like when the angels are tossing you in there. The fires to me would look like molten lava. I don't imagine you would be able to see much cause the fires would be way to high . The air would be unbreathable taking your breath away where you can't even breath. I imagine the screams of all the lost souls and hellish angels to be so unnerving that it would spooke even the hardest of hearts. The very screams themselves would be like the liquid fires they were being burned in. swimming in the seas of hell. Somehow I don't think there will be any real swimming, but the presence of evil will be felt so strong that it would over take you if it weren't for the pain of the fires you were being burned in. Over and over never to feel anything ever again other then the presence of evil and those flames. It will be a place without God. That's some place I never want to be. By the way, I saw the outskirts of hell once in a dream it was much like I just described.  That was just the out skirts. It wasn't actually inside. So imagine that !

I love angels their so beautiful. The Bible does mention both male and female angels. I recently discovered a verse in the bible that tells about female angels. It is in Zechariah 5:9. We know there are male angels because of Michael the Ark angel That defends Israel, and Gabriel The messenger angel that was sent to Mary to tell her about Jesus, and now we have this scripture showing us that there are angels who are women. 

The Bible speaks of unicorns. So I know they exsisted. I am just not sure if they were like the unicorns in all the movies. I Imagine them to be among some of the most beautiful creatures to be seen. I can't wait to find out from God if that one horn has any sort of special meaning to it. I Imagine that it does, but I don't know that's just me and my thoughts on the matter. 


Virgins in the bible were a sign of purity, and to be kept that way until marriage. That goes for both men and women in case your wondering.  This double standard thing always ticked me off. What goes for one goes for the other and there's no changing it. If you don't believe me then try it and see if you go to Heaven Mr. male chauvinist ! Don't get me up on my soap box or I will never get off off that subject. 

My Heart's Song

My Heart's Song

Pain exists in worlds of 

what could have been

And the chains of internal prisons 

I cry forever not to exist

Everything to go black

Nothing to be missed

Lord, I am tired

Don't you see

I feel the pain and misery

I want to be free

I lift up my eyes to thee

From only you comes my help

My heart is drowning

In sorrow

No one to save me,

Help lift me up

Everyone has closed their eyes

No one to help me cry

They don't understand

I don't know how to explain

I need someone to listen

To help ease the pain

Sometimes, too weak to fight

Tired of fighting

I am not giving up,

Just trying to rest

Needing shelter from it all

Please be my shelter

Right now, I don't even know how to stand up.

Instead I can only kneel

Feeling lost

Helpless, and alone

Please help me to feel alive again

With joy, and a reason to live

Making my smile  like sunshine

Warm and friendly

Take away the dark side

Leave nothing bad behind

Give me peace.

Let depression leave

Where is this nothingness?

Where did it come from?

Take it away

Give purpose

Allow me to stay,

To pray

My son needs me

Fulfilling my purpose for whatever you sent

Even though I can't see it now

I know that it's real

You are real

You give me hope

My God alone can save me

By: Bernice Bowling

Jesus

Mark 14 :62 And Jesus said, I am: and ye shall see the Son of man sitting on the right hand of power, and coming in the clouds of heaven.

Matthew 24: 44 Therefore be ye also ready: for in such an hour as ye think not the son of man cometh

John 3 :16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him

should not perish but have everlasting life.

Matthew 24 : 43 But know this, that if the goodman of the house had known in what watch the thief would come, he would have watched, and would not have suffered his house to be broken up.

Matthew 25: 13 Watch therefore, for ye know neither day nor the hour wherein the son of man cometh.

Matthew ch 24: 30  And then shall appear the sign of the Son of man in heaven: and then shall all the tribes of the earth mourn, and they shall see the Son of man coming in the clouds of heaven with power and great glory.

Just Focus

Just Focus

She walks in the light of day,

Eyes closed, listening for a voice:

"My child, comfort be with thee,

 I have wiped the tears from your eyes-

Cry no more.

Let your joy be full.

Walk away from this mourning."

Close your eyes.

Rest for a little while.

I'll give you dreams

To help you make it through the night.

They will come true.

Trust in Me.

I will see you through.

She picks up a Bible.

And as she reads,

She sees the letters in red.

Where Jesus wept,

She wept too,

And He heard her.

He dried her tears,

And chased away her fears,

He told her all she needed to hear.

She listened for more.

As her tears softly dried

With the touch of His hand,

He comforted her.

"When do I get to go see the promised land?"

She asked. 

He said:

" Be patient, my child.

Focus on Me.

Forget about these other things,

And you will see-

Everything I promised you.

Just focus on Me.....

And you will see."

BY: Bernice Bowling 

My Story of Imperfection

                      My Story of Imperfection 

My mom always tried to tell me I was just as good as anyone and that no one was better than anyone else. Despite all of that, I still struggled with self-esteem issues.

In the beginning, I was a happy child, full of confidence and joy. That is, until I learned that I was pudgy or fat. That's when everything started to change. My confidence slowly faded as I got older because of being picked on and ridiculed for my weight. Time marched on, and I found myself in high school battling even more self-esteem issues. I didn't like my hair, my glasses, or my weight. Worst of all, I got separated from most of my childhood friends.

Despite the fact that I got asked out quite a few times by different people, I always said no for two reasons:

#1. I was afraid of Mommy. She didn't allow me to date because she was afraid I would end up on drugs.

#2. I always thought the people asking me out were just making fun of me because I believed I was so ugly.

A very close friend I met during my freshman year—and who remains one of my best friends to this day—told me something I'll never forget. She said, "Berny, you need to start telling yourself out loud that you are beautiful because you are not ugly. I see guys checking you out all the time. You need to start speaking positive things to yourself."

So I did.

It was during my senior year that I began saying those words out loud.

My self-esteem slowly started to improve, and it wasn't until my college years that I finally began to realize I wasn't ugly like I had always believed. I started dating a little—not much, but a little.

As I got older, I still struggled with those childhood ghosts. I've had a string of unhealthy relationships and have been treated poorly in almost every relationship I've ever been in, except one. Even today, I am still discovering my self-worth.

By now, you're probably asking yourself why I'm sharing all of this.

I'm sharing it because of all the pain I've gone through over the years. It has made me a strong advocate for encouraging and inspiring others wherever I go. I never want to see anyone experience what I went through—or what I still sometimes struggle with today.

I want people to know they are beautiful just the way they are and that they can accomplish anything they set their minds to. Never let anyone make you feel less than a person. You are just as valuable as anyone else, no matter who you are, what color your skin is, or what size jeans you wear.

You are beautiful, and you are loved by God.

Have confidence in yourself. People who tear others down are often acting out of their own insecurities. They try to make themselves feel bigger by making someone else feel small. But in the end, it is they who become small.

Don't listen to the lies of the Devil. Listen to God. He made you in His image, and you are precious to Him. Every person was placed on this earth for a reason. Each of us has unique gifts and talents to offer the world. We simply have to choose to embrace them.

BY: Bernice Bowling

My Life Now

                                                                    Happiness flows freely
                                                                  In a river that's not run dry.
                                                          Smiling embraces my face and hair
                                                                       Things are different
                                                                         Time has passed
                                                                           I've moved on
                                                                            And I'm glad
                                                                           I wanted more
                                                               Something that wasn't for me
                                             But thank God someone up above knew more then me.

                                                                        My life is free now
                                                                      I can dance and sing
                                                        Allowing peace to come in and cleanse me
                                                         Laughter reigns when I think of my future
                                                                     It holds such fun things
                                                       I can't wait to meet all the good things ahead.
                                                               I'm happy for what's coming now
                                                                     I have nothing to dread
                                                                  I've put it all in God's hands                                                                                                                                                         
                                                                   Cause he does know best

BY: Bernice Bowling

Giving Thanks

Some day when I get my mind straight

I will wright about what's on my plate

Funny how life works that way

My friends and family

There very close to me

I have good friends

You can count on them

My friends and family 

All love me dearly

And I love them

There all my family

Whether their by blood or by choice

I am blessed beyond measure

God has made me rich

In friendships as well as family

I have many blessings

Thank God most of all for my wonderful daddy

He's stood by me and been there for me

More times then I can count

I am blessed to have him

Thank God for the mother who raised me 

Took me under her dress tail

Cared for and loved me

When all else failed

She was my mother

I will for ever love her

And thank God for her

Thank God for my papaw

Who always took up for me

Leave that girl alone

She ain't doing nothing

Ha, ha my papaw was my protector

Now God's got him along with my mother who raised me

Together they were quite a pair.

Thank God for my aunt and uncle

Who were always there,

And helped raise me just as much

There love for me too 

Is beyond compare.

Thank god for my Little dog 

He was as mean ,and mischievous as anyone could ask for

Ha, ha how I loved him so.

He was such a rascal

I was sorry to see him go.

Thank God for my son

For without him

At times I would feel as if

I had no one

He makes life even more fun

He makes it worth living

He loves his mamma 

He takes up for me

He's very protective of me

He worry's about me too much.

He is such a sweet pea.
Were best friends you see

Thank God most of all for Jesus

Cause without him all this wouldn't be possible

We wouldn't be blessed 

With wonderful friends and family

For a christian home, was what I was raised up in.

Without Jesus we would have to live a life of sin

Doomed to hell , and a devils den.

Thank God for many things
A house, a home, a car to drive
Food to eat and places to go.
He provides for my every need
He takes care of the birds in the air
And he will continue to take care of me.

BY: Bernice Bowling