The First Day Of Kindergarten

Looking back I remember in the very, early years of childhood being filled with love and feeling such confidence. The family was always close. I felt so important like I was the center of the universe, and love wrapped around me like a warm blanket on a cozy winter day. It was a perfect world, and my mother was the author of it. She was my world. Wherever she was at I felt safe. My mother was perfect, I was perfect and my world was perfect.

That all changed on my first day of Kindergarten. I had never been to school before. I had no idea I would have to even go to such a foreign place. I felt as if I was being sent off to war in a scrap yard where wild animals and vicious tigers roamed. I was so scared. The very foundation I was standing on had been shaken and shaken hard. There were loud voices coming in every direction and chaos abounded. I was suddenly aware of weight, my hair, my clothes, and my very insignificance, and of course my lack of ability to make friends. My world was now inside my head and it was the beginning. 

Strangers seemed to peer at me, inspecting me as if  I were a bug. The chatter continued for what seemed to be a lifetime. The grown-ups had all left now, and I was alone with these Martians. Then somewhere in the room, a cry was heard, a loud shattering cry. It was another child screaming with big huge elephant-sized tears running down their face. That's when I felt their pain. It was like my own, and I was crying too. 

Covid 19

Oceans of darkness filling souls of desolation.

Hollow and broken, drowning

screams cannot be heard

only silence

Sing for me sweet distance

sing for me songs of joys forgotten

sing of puppies and hope

For there is no more

gone are tomorrows dreams

never more to be remembered.

never more to be heard

It is but now I hear the Ravens song.

By: Bernice Bowling

When I think of Kenny Rogers

I loved Dolly Parton and before I knew she was married I always pictured her and Kenny Rogers as a couple. To me, Kenny Rogers was the most handsome older man I'd ever seen, and to me, it was only natural that he be paired with the most beautiful woman I had ever seen at the time which was Dolly. 

Growing up country music was all that was played at my home and I hated it. It felt like some sort of cruel abuse heaped onto me that just happen to be legal. They would play those nasal-sounding depressing songs that made you want to barf for hours when we would go on trips and the only few breaks I would ever get on these trips from ear suicide would be Kenny Rogers, and Dolly Parton's soft, Angelic voices. To me, they were the dream team.

I remember playing on my living room floor and dreaming about Dolly and Kenny being a couple, and how great it would be, and wondering what would the music world ever do if this was to happen. Why their kids would be music royalty in my child's mind, but alas years I soon learned Kenny had married a woman from the Hee Haw show and then years later I would find that Dolly had also been married and been so for years. Funny I had never heard or seen who he was at the time.

It wasn't too long after this that Kenny did the most horrific thing he could do and that's EEEEK plastic surgery. Even though his face was now ruined I still thought of him fondly, but I no longer thought of him and Dolly as the perfect couple. 

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Untitled. 
Mud, heavy, thick weighing in like a rock.
Crushing pebbles one by one
Wind howling in the darkness
liquid night reflecting strains
singing songs of perpetual lacerations
crying out, holding on to glimpse
praying for kindness
Conceiving smoke
paying umbrage to indignation.
piercing commentaries of enmity
birthed in pride and ignorance.
slamming diverse
never-ending affliction
By: Bernice Bowling

My dream about disco dancing and cheese art

I had the stupidest dream but it was great. We were all disco dancing to the song that's the way uhu uhu I like it that's the way uh uhu I like it and we were in a Congo line and every time I would really start to get into it someone would mess it up and this one guy started making art that everyone thought was so amazing but it was dumb. He was taking cheese and milk cartons and making art out of them he made a crappy horse out of a block of cheese. Meaning he put a man on it and glued 2 eyes and horses nose and made houses out of the milk cartons for it to live in, lol, and a few people were so upset and one voice, I say voice because I never saw the face but the voice was Louise from Bobs Burgers, complained, because they were winning all the art prizes LOL Anyway then I woke up 

My dream about the Japanese fly catcher

I dreamed I was in this place and we had gone back in time sort of to correct an error and we made this museum hang this painting somewhere else where it could be seen and they hung it in the plant room, and we went through there and all these weird plants were there and they were all alive and one would shoot water at you and laugh and the other was a huge Japanese flycatcher plant that would snap at you as you walked by and it started chasing us and then it chased me yelling stupid things at us and laughing. I noticed the plant had flowered leggings on like it was a person underneath a plant suit but the plants were real. Then the people at the museum got upset with us because we weren't wearing the correct shoes to go into the tea room but we went anyway because we had to, and later we got the correct shoes from one of our friends who was dressed in disguise as an old person. It was dedicated to old people. The whole dream felt like a ghostly spirit was all around us.

Depression and Feeling unloved and abandoned

Feeling unloved and abandoned can make you feel depressed and even sometimes like a dry desert in a far-off land in spirit, a land without water. Nothing feeds you spiritually.  What can help? Try to find at least 3 scriptures or more that you feel helps you. Listen to uplifting Christian music. Pray for God to help you. If you can, go to church. If you're closed off to people you're going to be closed off to God. Have an open heart. Here are some steps you can take to help you start feeling better again. 

You need to heal. Try listening to healing scriptures, and cast down those negative voices. They're lying to you. Start getting up every day and speak positive thoughts or words to yourself out loud as you look in the mirror. Make the choice to heal and feel better. 

Seek out things that feed you. Try listening to Christian music, praise, and worship songs. Search for sermons that fit your need. Go to church if you can. Read an inspiring book or watch an inspiring movie. Listen to a podcast that is helpful. Go outside, get involved in a project. It could be art, music whatever interests you. Do things that you enjoy. Set goals for yourself and then take the steps needed to achieve those goals. See it and then move into it. Have faith in God's word for your life and remember Faith without works is dead. Take back your life.

Have an open heart. spend less time with people who make you feel worthless and unloved. Spend more time with the people that add value to your life and make you feel loved. Keep toxic people at bay as much as you can. Family is tricky. Try to avoid situations that might invite negative input. Stand on the word of God for these people. Being hurt can make you feel closed off. You need to have an open heart because having a closed heart will cause you to be closed off with God.

Get in God's presence. You can do this by listening to praise and worship music and then praise and worship the Lord with all your heart. Get real before the Lord. Pour out your heart to Him in praise and worship. You can also get in the presence of God by studying the Bible, not just reading it but studying it. Search out the scriptures you need for your situation. If you don't feel it at first don't give up. Keep coming back. Spend time in prayer with God tell Him what's on your heart. Tell Him how you feel. Ask Him for help. Ask Him for what you need. 

Finally below are some scriptures that might help you on your path to having a healthy heart, mind, and spirit. 

John 10:10-11

10 The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I come that they might have life and that they might have it more abundantly.

11 I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep.

Isaiah 43:2

2 When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.

Psalms 126: 5-6

5 They that sow in tears shall reap in joy.

6 He that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seed, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him.