Untitled

Untitled. 
Mud, heavy, thick weighing in like a rock.
Crushing pebbles one by one
Wind howling in the darkness
liquid night reflecting strains
singing songs of perpetual lacerations
crying out, holding on to glimpse
praying for kindness
Conceiving smoke
paying umbrage to indignation.
piercing commentaries of enmity
birthed in pride and ignorance.
slamming diverse
never-ending affliction
By: Bernice Bowling

My dream about disco dancing and cheese art

I had the stupidest dream but it was great. We were all disco dancing to the song that's the way uhu uhu I like it that's the way uh uhu I like it and we were in a Congo line and every time I would really start to get into it someone would mess it up and this one guy started making art that everyone thought was so amazing but it was dumb. He was taking cheese and milk cartons and making art out of them he made a crappy horse out of a block of cheese. Meaning he put a man on it and glued 2 eyes and horses nose and made houses out of the milk cartons for it to live in, lol, and a few people were so upset and one voice, I say voice because I never saw the face but the voice was Louise from Bobs Burgers, complained, because they were winning all the art prizes LOL Anyway then I woke up 

My dream about the Japanese fly catcher

I dreamed I was in this place and we had gone back in time sort of to correct an error and we made this museum hang this painting somewhere else where it could be seen and they hung it in the plant room, and we went through there and all these weird plants were there and they were all alive and one would shoot water at you and laugh and the other was a huge Japanese flycatcher plant that would snap at you as you walked by and it started chasing us and then it chased me yelling stupid things at us and laughing. I noticed the plant had flowered leggings on like it was a person underneath a plant suit but the plants were real. Then the people at the museum got upset with us because we weren't wearing the correct shoes to go into the tea room but we went anyway because we had to, and later we got the correct shoes from one of our friends who was dressed in disguise as an old person. It was dedicated to old people. The whole dream felt like a ghostly spirit was all around us.

Depression and Feeling unloved and abandoned

Feeling unloved and abandoned can make you feel depressed and even sometimes like a dry desert in a far-off land in spirit, a land without water. Nothing feeds you spiritually.  What can help? Try to find at least 3 scriptures or more that you feel helps you. Listen to uplifting Christian music. Pray for God to help you. If you can, go to church. If you're closed off to people you're going to be closed off to God. Have an open heart. Here are some steps you can take to help you start feeling better again. 

You need to heal. Try listening to healing scriptures, and cast down those negative voices. They're lying to you. Start getting up every day and speak positive thoughts or words to yourself out loud as you look in the mirror. Make the choice to heal and feel better. 

Seek out things that feed you. Try listening to Christian music, praise, and worship songs. Search for sermons that fit your need. Go to church if you can. Read an inspiring book or watch an inspiring movie. Listen to a podcast that is helpful. Go outside, get involved in a project. It could be art, music whatever interests you. Do things that you enjoy. Set goals for yourself and then take the steps needed to achieve those goals. See it and then move into it. Have faith in God's word for your life and remember Faith without works is dead. Take back your life.

Have an open heart. spend less time with people who make you feel worthless and unloved. Spend more time with the people that add value to your life and make you feel loved. Keep toxic people at bay as much as you can. Family is tricky. Try to avoid situations that might invite negative input. Stand on the word of God for these people. Being hurt can make you feel closed off. You need to have an open heart because having a closed heart will cause you to be closed off with God.

Get in God's presence. You can do this by listening to praise and worship music and then praise and worship the Lord with all your heart. Get real before the Lord. Pour out your heart to Him in praise and worship. You can also get in the presence of God by studying the Bible, not just reading it but studying it. Search out the scriptures you need for your situation. If you don't feel it at first don't give up. Keep coming back. Spend time in prayer with God tell Him what's on your heart. Tell Him how you feel. Ask Him for help. Ask Him for what you need. 

Finally below are some scriptures that might help you on your path to having a healthy heart, mind, and spirit. 

John 10:10-11

10 The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I come that they might have life and that they might have it more abundantly.

11 I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep.

Isaiah 43:2

2 When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.

Psalms 126: 5-6

5 They that sow in tears shall reap in joy.

6 He that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seed, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him.

My dream of daddy in the garage

I dreamed we were all struggling with sickness in the family and My aunt Jessie had gone to the school and needed someone to come pick her up and I and Jess were in the garage where daddy lived and I saw him sitting in a corner by the fire looking so sad and so small. He said to go get Norman to get her because he was trying to get something out of his finger and couldn't. So Norman was already on his way, but we just said okay and didn't say anything else but it was dark, and the whole world seemed like it was sad. I mean like a storm was about to hit and everyone knew it OR that a storm had already hit and we were all just picking up the pieces.

I don't know if this dream meant anything or not but the focus was on how sad daddy was and how small he was. 

Tossing and Turning a poem

Tossing and Turning

the pain of yesterday walking with tomorrows
trying to find comfort
and nothing's really there
shackles of fear
dances in ear
breathlessly strive
bodies divide
striving for peace
before you sleep
shadows fall
darkness crawls
not praying to die
but wanting to cry
eyes close
nightmares grow
stabbing knives
broken bows
help comes from a distance

By: Bernice Bowling

My dream about the cliff God gave me

God gave me a dream. I was sitting on a branch on the side of a big cliff. I had fallen and had landed on a branch. The cliff was as tall as tall could be and down below was icy water. The water looked kind of shallow and purple like Kool-Aid, and I didn't know how I could hang on much longer and I heard a voice from above it was my aunt. I hollered for her to send help, bring me a rope, and IDK why but she was going to send me food down there before she sent the rope and I got so mad and before I knew it I was off the cliff and back up at the top. Idk how I got there but I was going to tell them off for trying to send me food instead of a rope to help me but the stupid thing is after I got done I was going to go back and sit where I was before and holler for help for someone to get me a rope.

I didn't know what this meant at first but then it came to me. My energy levels had gotten so low that if I stood to do anything I would get so dizzy to the point of passing out and if I walked much my back felt like It was going to break. I had gotten so depressed and had been exhausted for so long where I had let my system run down that I didn't think I could do anything. I just kept waiting and asking for help day in and day out because I didn't think I could do it myself but God was telling me in this dream that I could. I can help myself and I can get better. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Whirlwind.

Erratic and unstable stabbing feelings trying to let go.
Stop stay away from me
pushing screaming exacting force
explosions, violent urges trying not to die

stop stay away from me
wanting to die
running escaping darkness
not giving in

Shrilling demons gathering
afflictions
leaving scars
depleted and weary

Stay away from me
encasing cocoons
ragged and restive
not wanting to compress encumbrance.

Stay away from me
now dazed alone but surrounded
flustered paroxysm
barricades and blankets

cold erased
twilight listening
blackouts burning
forever yearning

By Bernice Bowling