To The Lord

To The Lord

Where do you go when the roses have walls with thorns built around them? Where do you go to keep from dripping blood ? Where do you run to when your hurting and don't want to be alone? Where do you go? Where do you go for protection from the storms life brings? 
Dancing in the rain brings sunshine for a season and so does a book of matches on cold nights, but when the sunshine is all dried up and your feet are too tired to move and the rain has come and gone and nothing is in full bloom. All is left but the gloom, where do you go? 
Where do you go when a shard of a dagger is still left in your heart? Where do you go when eternal sleep seems so peaceful and hell seems so real. Where do you go? 
Where do you go when your tears no one hears? 
Where do you go when the pain gets to real and you start to feel, and there is no one left to rescue you? Where do you go? 

Where do I go, but to the Lord. :)

BY: Bernice Bowling

A Merry Christmas Wish From The Heart.

Tick tock
Watch out for the Christmas clock.
Santa Claus is coming
Trim your tree
Make sure your filled with glee
No sorrow with in me
Said the friendly ghost of Christmas past.
Sing songs of joy

Laughter, friends, food ,jokes and more
Exist this holiday season, but for who?
For me ? For you?
For everyone who puts a side life turmoil for just a little while
To celebrate the birth of Christ

You don't need no money
You don't need nothing but love in your heart
Care for your fellow man
And a love for Jesus
That's all it takes to make this holiday season a season to last and last
Today, tomorrow, and through out the year
The spirit of Christmas can be seen if we hold on to these things in our hearts.
Merry Christmas everyone. :)

BY: Bernice Bowling

A Prayer For The Broken

A Prayer for the Broken

Chains of forgotten sorrows cut me in vain
Like a knife I twist with the tides
Roll in , roll in let the winds carry me safely through
Dry my tears and let me live through out my years
Help me to see it through
Give me life
Give me peace
Let my joy be filled
Let laughter ring in my ears
But only as a sound of friendly cheer
Instead of my enemies jeers.
Sing to me songs of hope and promise
Take away the tides of doom and gloom
Dry up the way side and the salty sea of tears
That's been shed by the shores of broken glass
Let the scars and cuts exist no more except for rememberance of lessons learned
Let my heart me mended and at last, let lonliness be no more.
By : Bernice Bowling

The Stranger I met On The Way To Jail

I was on my way to London to visit a man Whom I was writing to, who was in jail. I didn't know this man, but he was in there with my cousin and he had know one to write him. He was alone and pitiful just like me. So I felt sorry for him. Now I must tell you that at this time in my life I had just gotten over a nervous break down, and I was very lonely and in desperate need of some love and companion ship, and conversation with someone whom I felt wouldn't judge me. Anyway, He sent me a picture and there it started. Of Course later on I found out that he was suspected of cutting the heads off of at least 2 women here where I lived. His first name was Rick. I want say no more,  for that's another story. This is the story of how I met the devil and fell in love immediately.

Anyway, getting back to the story , I was on my way  to the London Jail to visit a man when I realized I needed to stop off for gas now I hadn't been driving very long, (I hadn't gotten my drivers licence until much later in life) so I didn't really know how to put gas in the car since I had always had someone to do it for me. I stopped off at the Marathon gas station in Manchester to get gas and I nervously pulled up to the gas station and began to try to fill up. I had no idea what I was doing and needed help, I looked around for someone to help me and I didn't see anyone. I then thought about going in there to ask the attendant how in the heck do I turn this thing on? Then I thought there is know way I am going in there and tell them There is someone in the world who doesn't know how to work a stupid gas pump ! No I would sneak and ask someone near. Surely someone will come along. That's when I saw him standing there all by himself looking aloof. So I called to him and motioned for him to come over to where I was standing. When he came over I tried to laugh off my embarassment as I explained to him that I had no idea what I was doing and to please help me and so he did. Then he asked me to give him a ride. All of a sudden I remembered all of the hitchiker horror stories I had herd and watched on TV, and had been warned about, but I felt obligated. After all he did help me with my gas tank, and I knew I would feel very guilty if I didn't say yes, so I did. Well I explained to him That I could only take him so far because I was going to see a friend in the London jail. He said that's fine. Long story short I didn't make it to the London jail cause I ended up taking this person every where in the world imaginable !!!!!

I had never in my life been on such a roller coaster ride of going from one place to the next. I had just about had it !!!!! I was mad and P  "Oed".  Well, he saw fast that I was getting agrivated and by now it was getting late so he began to change his way. He became nice, sweet , very charming, and soon I had forgotten all about  the driving I had done earlier on . Well long story short he asked me out and I should have said no but I didn't.  I will continue the rest of the story later. It doesn't end like you think it's going to.

My Heart Spoken

Knives, Swords of steal,
Plunging into my chest,
Leaving me breathless,
I cry for my heart.

Blood dripping, curls and screams,
Can't stop the pain.
It's unreal,
What was done to me.
I cry daily,
Wanting revenge.

They must suffer and pay,
Lier, deceiver,
Back door cheater.
Whose going to turn on me next?
A friend, another boo ?
I don't think so !

I am cutting myself off
From the world you see.
No other man will get a chance
To hurt me, not even a friend,
Or someone who calls them self a friend.
Really it's just an enemy in the end.

By: Bernice Bowling

Just Another Menstral Pain Complaint

Heaven help me it's that time again.
Advils been taken
Heating pads awaken
I'm sick and need to throw up

Knives in my belly multiplied
pain stricken and going to cry
screaming pains
no man can imagine

Oh Lord take this thing from me
or let me die
sheak and shriek
crys that scream I am going to die

How to handle this
just one more time
When will this finally be over
Let me sleep
I can't breathe

It's too much for me to bare
Remember child birth
breathe in breathe out
breathe in breathe out
Soak in hot water
see if that will help

Chills down my body
Im dying
so it feels
Lord what do other women Feel ?
IS this pain as real for them?
Why me?
Why so bad for me?

I need more Advil
Once a month I become an addict for anything
that will take this pain away
men don't feel .
If it was up to me they would.

Bible scriptures for menstal pain
do they exist?
Wish I could find one.
The bible has everything else

Take out what hurts
That's what I would tell the surgeon if he or she we were here.
Take it out quick and leave me be.
Heaven help me
Set me free
Dear Lord, Take this pain away
I can't stand to hurt no more
in Jesus name I pray take it away
Please help me to pray to take this pain away in Jesus name
Amen and Amen

It's got to go away
I can't hurt another second
I gotta go,
Good bye cruel world
Good bye pain
Thank you Lord
Help me Jesus
I need you now and always

A Mom's Memorial

My mom never liked Christmas after she lost her daughter Wanda and her mother. She never wanted to put up a tree , but she did it anyway for me. She loved me, and now she is gone and I am left feeling sad and alone without her. I am still making the best of things for my son just like she did for me. I'm making sure he always has a good Christmas every year. The tree is trimmed.  There's gifts under the tree, and most of all he knows that Jesus died for our sins and he knows how he suffered on a tree made into a cross. I make sure my son knows how Jesus's blood was shed on Calvary so we wouldn't be lost. I tell him how Jesus went through unimaginable pain, humiliation, and even back stabbing betrayal from a trusted friend. He was beat and chastised , mocked and abused, stripped of his cloths and made fun of. People chastising Him all so that we might escape the depths of  hell, and He rose again on that 3rd day victorious.

I tell the Christmas story every year to make sure My son doesn't forget why we celebrate Christmas. My mommy taught me about Jesus and she taught me well. Forever I will be thankful for my raising, and a mother who loved me enough not to want me to go to a devils hell. This Thanks giving I am thankful for Jesus who was and is the son of God, my mother who raised me, and my son. I am also thankful for my daddy and my papaw , but that's another entry for a later day.

There are so many things my mother did for me but teaching me about Jesus, was by far the greatest thing she could ever do, and none of these other things could ever match up to that.

Forgivenss

THE DANCE
Pains of sacrafice
mistakes being made
words being said
never meaning to hurt but just to help heal
my broken heart.
Only time has forgotten what
once was spoken
dancing on the wings of regret
I'm sorry for the words that were spoken
Never meaning to hurt only to help me to heal
didn't think anyone paid attention, but maybe they do
For that I am sorry, and I hope you are too.
Forever lets part in peace and forgiveness
straight from the heart.
Let god love rest upon you
forever in his arms wrapped in forgiveness and In love.
I forgive you and I hope you forgive me to.

By : Bernice Bowling

I Got Something To Say !

I am having a very hard time this month as I do every year at this time dealing with anniversaries of peoples deaths that are in my family like my mom and my papaw. My mom was born Oct 20th of 1919, she died Nov 1 1999. My papaw died Oct 24 th about 5 years before she did. It's all very hard you see. I know there in heaven in a much better place, but it doesn't stop me from missing them. I don't like to think about it. I try not to be sad. I try not to think about them so that I want be sad. Sometimes that just doesn't work. God can heal our broken heart. The Bible says blessed are those that mourn for they shall be comforted so I try to hang on to that.

The Dance, It's all about forgiveness

Words said in anger
All in efforts of trying to heal
With a sorrowful heart I bend and kneel
Lord forgive me.

Enemies ,Frienemies
Fake and real
Sorry for the damage
Caused by my lossage , suffrage and the medicine I used to heal.
Sorry for the words illy spoken
and the way it made you feel.
Forgive me
I forgive you
Let this peace be a seal

Never let anything come
Between you and Gods only Son
Let Jesus remain in your hearts
Accept Him if you will
Let not a person or thing
in prison you
Let my love shine upon you
My friend , My neighbor, who ever hath an ear
Accept my peace
And forgive
Let it shine upon you
Sparkling in the night
Shine forever
Resting in the comfort of His arms
In peace and reassurance that Heaven is real

By : Bernice Bowling

Forgiveness, It Is A Choice

Unforgiveness  of past hurts and betrails, lies and abuse can take such a hold on you that it will produce a monster in you just like the ones who did you wrong only worse.  It will take your life and eat away at ever fiber of your being every part of you until their is nothing left. It starts out as a small seed , then before you know it . It's taken root and has grown into a large tree.

You have to forgive not only for you but for your life and peace of mind, and those around you. Don't ever think that it want effect the ones around you because it does. Whatever is in your heart will spill out somewhere and you have to be willing to make a choice. Am I going to stay this way, and end up going to hell ?  You can't go on living in unforgivingness and expect to be successful in life. It's too consuming and it want profit you anything.

Choose to forgive. Pray for your enemies and those who spread horrible rumors and lies about you. Pray for those who despitefully use you and those who are abusive towards you. Learn to forgive and walk in the way of love. For those of you who are in abusive situations, you must forgive, but you don't have to stay in that situation. It's best to get out before it's too late.

I can not express enough the importance of forgiving someone who does you wrong and tells lies on you and abuses you and whatever else they have done. You have to forgive everyone. You can not hold anything against anyone, and expect to go to heaven it is impossible. You have to forgive, no matter what. It's your choice. You have to be willing to make a choice. Now are you willing to forgive? It's up to you. You choose heaven or hell, It's that simple. Forgive or not forgive it's up to you. It doesn't matter how many times they lied and took advantage of you and told whatever lies about you that was told. You still have to forgive. No matter how many times they abused you in whatever way or used and mistreated you. You still have to forgive.

By:
Bernice Bowling

The Beginning Of Sins......A short story you don't want to know!

Darkened strays stalked the night air as she walked in the woods passed the moonlight creatures. She kissed the night in her heart as if it had been a lover. Oh how she loved it . The electricity of night is what she called it. No one knew the blood lust that existed in her. The blood craving that emerged so strongly at the least bit of anger. Anger so strong that she could murder almost anyone, almost.

The thoughts of her first kill would sing out in her ears forever as she reminisced how it felt to rip his skin off his clean freshly shaven head while he was tied up, and screaming those beautiful unearthly screams of his, ha, ha. What a sound she thought. She smiled , it was such a good smile, filled with such amusement that it was touching to the heart if you didn't know what she was really smiling about.

A soft bunny rabbit was what they thought of her. A soft furry bunny rabbit for them to pet, she thought as she laughed. She wasn't a bunny rabbit. She was more like a vicious demon from the darkest inner parts of hell that you could ever imagine. Fresh blood streaming down her blade as she slid the knife upward through his stomach only after scalping him alive then feeding the scalp to her wolf she kept as a pet near by for such things. Chuckling to herself remembering each detail. Oh no one knew what fun really was, no one, but her and maybe a friend or two.  The pain that man must have felt as she ripped him into. Splitting his man parts in half and dividing them between him and the wolf. Oh how she loved the feed, too bad he took all the fun out of it when he died to fast. What a wimp ! Oh but she would learn how to keep them alive longer over time. She would learn, these things take time. Trial and error don't you know,  trial and error.

By: Bernice Bowling

This short story is a good example of what a person could become if they don't learn to forgive and they let anger come in and take too great of a foot hold. You become a demon just like the ones who hurt you.  Learn to forgive and don't become like the horrible woman in this story. Invite Christ into your life. :)

Temperatures of Unrest

Sweat and tears pour down like rain
I watch in vein
While the years pour out
Upon this window
I watch this traffic flow by each day
Wondering where and why life has taken me this way
And then I realize time stands still
When the weather stops changing and temperature's of cool weather remain
Will it ever stop raining?
The sun needs to come out and shine a little upon us
Maybe if we were in a church house some where it would
Maybe that's what we needs to do
Give it to God let him see it through
He works everything out
He can even change the weather so its not so bad
And the people aren't so cruel.
Maybe somebody will be friendly maybe even a smile or two

By Bernice Bowling

Two Advils In One Hand And A Live Chicken In Another

Steely knives stabbing away at my insides
Hateful as a bear skinned alive
Trying to hide what I am feeling
Oh my goodness how painful this existence
Pain making my hands shake
As I try Not to bite the heads off live chickens

I bite the chickens heads off anyway and spit it out
Where's me another?
Pain, gloves and Advil
Maybe a little love and sympathy...... NOT
At least not from this bunch
Hell has no furry like  a woman in pain
Where did my love go?
It will come back with more Advil, lol.

Hand me my Pepsi
Anybody got anymore chickens?
A dog or two maybe a cat or a bird?
What ? Where did everybody go?
Don't run and hide?
Anybody got a Billy goat?

When will it end ?
I hate this pure pain
and nobody understands
My time is worse then everyone else's.
How could it not be?
Everyone else can function.
Not me.

I need a heating bad, medication and live chickens
To get me through once a month
When it all returns
Who to strangle?
Adam?
the snake?
Or Eve?

By Bernice Bowling

In case your wondering :  the gloves are for handling the live chickens. :)

Tid Bits and after thoughts of me rambling from subject to subject of the Bible

 We have forgiveness because Jesus died for our sins when he died on the cross and rose again the third day. Our belief in that is all we need to be saved from a devils hell.
 You must believe that Jesus is the son of God and that He died on the cross and rose again the third day. Confess your sins and ask God to forgive you and then forgive others as you have been forgiven. Trust God for the rest. If your having trouble forgiving ask God to help you and He will.  :)

How often have I felt like Daniel in that Lions den. you know the way you feel when you walk into a room filled with animosity, but nobody will say a word. You know they want to tear you a part, but their all playing lock jaw, at least in your presence. I'd say that's a lot like how Daniel felt as he was standing in this lions den. I don't think I would have slept there, but I imagine Daniel just may have cause he trusted in the Lord. He knew when you trust in the Lord no weapon formed against you shall prosper.

 I imagine what hell would be like when the angels are tossing you in there. The fires to me would look like molten lava. I don't imagine you would be able to see much cause the fires would be way to high . The air would be unbreathable taking your breath away where you can't even breath. I imagine the screams of all the lost souls and hellish angels to be so unnerving that it would spooke even the hardest of hearts. The very screams themselves would be like the liquid fires they were being burned in. swimming in the seas of hell. Somehow I don't think there will be any real swimming, but the presence of evil will be felt so strong that it would over take you if it weren't for the pain of the fires you were being burned in. Over and over never to feel anything ever again other then the presence of evil and those flames. It will be a place without God. That's some place I never want to be. By the way, I saw the outskirts of hell once in a dream it was much like I just described.  That was just the out skirts. It wasn't actually inside. So imagine that !

I love angels their so beautiful. The Bible does mention both male and female angels. I recently discovered a verse in the bible that tells about female angels. It is in Zechariah 5:9. We know there are male angels because of Michael the Ark angel That defends Israel, and Gabriel The messenger angel that was sent to Mary to tell her about Jesus, and now we have this scripture showing us that there are angels who are women. 

The Bible speaks of unicorns. So I know they exsisted. I am just not sure if they were like the unicorns in all the movies. I Imagine them to be among some of the most beautiful creatures to be seen. I can't wait to find out from God if that one horn has any sort of special meaning to it. I Imagine that it does, but I don't know that's just me and my thoughts on the matter. 


Virgins in the bible were a sign of purity, and to be kept that way until marriage. That goes for both men and women in case your wondering.  This double standard thing always ticked me off. What goes for one goes for the other and there's no changing it. If you don't believe me then try it and see if you go to Heaven Mr. male chauvinist ! Don't get me up on my soap box or I will never get off off that subject. 

My Heart's Song

Pain exist in two worlds of sorrow
I cry forever not to exist
Everything to go black
Nothing to be missed

Lord I am tired
Don't you see
I feel the pain and misery
I want to be free
I lift up my eyes to thee
From Thee comes my help

My heart is drowning
In sorrow
No one to save me,
Help lift me up
Everyone has closed eyes
No one to help me cry

They don't understand
I don't know how to explain
I need someone to listen
To help ease the pain

Sometimes, too weak to fight
Tired of fighting
I am not giving up,
Just trying to rest
Hopefully I want rust
Needing shelter from the storm
Please be my shelter

Right now don't even know how to stand up.
Instead I can only kneel
Feeling lost
Helpless, and alone
Please help me to feel alive again
With joy; and a reason to live
Making my smile  like sunshine
Warm and friendly

Take away the dark side
Leave nothing bad behind
Giving me peace.
Let depression leave

Where is this nothingness?
Where did it come from?
Take it away
Give purpose
Allow me to stay,
To pray
My son needs me

Fulfilling my purpose for whatever you sent
Even though I can't see it now
I Know that it's real
You are real
You give me hope
My God alone can save me
In Jesus  name I pray
Amen

By: Bernice Bowling

A work in progress :)

Jesus

Mark 14 :62 And Jesus said, I am: and ye shall see the Son of man sitting on the right hand of power, and coming in the clouds of heaven.

Matthew 24: 44 Therefore be ye also ready: for in such an hour as ye think not the son of man cometh

John 3 :16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him

should not perish but have everlasting life.

Matthew 24 : 43 But know this, that if the goodman of the house had known in what watch the thief would come, he would have watched, and would not have suffered his house to be broken up.

Matthew 25: 13 Watch therefore, for ye know neither day nor the hour wherein the son of man cometh.

Matthew ch 24: 30  And then shall appear the sign of the Son of man in heaven: and then shall all the tribes of the earth mourn, and they shall see the Son of man coming in the clouds of heaven with power and great glory.

Don't Loose Your Focus

She walks in the light of day
Eyes closed listening for a voice
To say my child comfort be with thee
Tears I wiped from your eyes
Cry no more
Let your joy be full
Walk away from this mourning

Close your eyes
Rest for a little while
I'll give you dreams
To help you make it through the night
They will come true
Trust in ME
I will see you through

She picks up a Bible
As she begins to read
She see's letters in Red
And where Jesus wept
She cried for Him
And He heard her
He dried her tears
And chased away her fears
He told her all she needed to hear

She listened for more
As her tears softly He dried
With a touch of His hand
He comforted her
When do I get to go see the promised land
He said be patient my child
Focus on ME
Forget about these other things
And you will see,
Everything I promised you
Just focus on ME
And you will see

BY: Bernice Bowling

My Story of Imperfection

                                                    My Story Of Imperfection

Let me start out by saying my mom always tried to tell me I was just as good as anyone, and that no one was better than anyone else, but despite all this I still had self esteem issues.
In the begging I was a happy child full of confidence and joy. That is until I  learned that I was pudgy or fat. That's when everything started to change. My confidence got less and less as I got older with being picked on and ridiculed because of my weight.  Anyway, time marched on, an I found myself in high school battling even more self esteem issues. I didn't like my hair or my glasses or my weight. and Worst of all I got separated from most of my childhood friends.

 Despite the fact that I got asked out quite a few times by different guys, I always said no for TWO reasons :

#1. I was afraid of mommy. She didn't allow me to date anyone. She was afraid I would end up on drugs.

#2. I always thought they were just making fun of me because I was so ugly.

A very close friend of mine that I met in my freshman year and remain best friends with right to this day told me something one day. She said Berny, You need to start telling yourself out loud that you are beautiful, because you are not ugly. I see guys checking you out all the time. You need to start speaking positive things to yourself. So I did . This was during my senior year that I began to do this.

Well my self esteem did start to improve after this, and It wasn't until my college years that I started to discover that I wasn't ugly like I had thought. I started to date a little, not much, but a little.
As I got older I still struggled with those childhood ghost and I  have had a string of bad relationships and poor treatment from almost every relationship I have ever been in, but one.  I am still trying to discover my self worth.

By now you're probably asking yourself  why are you sharing all this now? 

I said all this to say that because of all the pain that I have went through over the years I am a strong advocate for trying to make other people feel good about themselves by offering up encouragement and inspiration when, and wherever I go. I don't ever want to see anyone go through what I went through, and what I still sometimes struggle with right today.
I want people to know they are beautiful just the way they are, and that they can do anything they set their mind to, and to never let anyone put them down or make them feel any less then a person. You are just as good as anyone, no matter who you are,  what color your skin is, or what size jeans you wear. You are beautiful and you are loved by God! Have confidence in your self. Never let anyone put you down or make you feel less then a person. Those who do this are full of insecurities themselves, and that's how they make themselves feel better, by making others feel like their small or beneath them, but when people do this it is they themselves who are small!
Don't listen to the lies of the Devil. Listen to God. He made you in His image, and you are special to him each and everyone. Everyone was put on this earth for a reason. We each have our own unique gifts and talents to bring to the table. We just have to make the right choice to embrace it.

BY: Bernice Bowling


I hope this helps someone who may be going through a ruff time. :)

My Life Now

                                                                    Happiness flows freely
                                                                  In a river that's not run dry.
                                                          Smiling embraces my face and hair
                                                                       Things are different
                                                                         Time has passed
                                                                           I've moved on
                                                                            And I'm glad
                                                                           I wanted more
                                                               Something that wasn't for me
                                             But thank God someone up above knew more then me.

                                                                        My life is free now
                                                                      I can dance and sing
                                                        Allowing peace to come in and cleanse me
                                                         Laughter reigns when I think of my future
                                                                     It holds such fun things
                                                       I can't wait to meet all the good things ahead.
                                                               I'm happy for what's coming now
                                                                     I have nothing to dread
                                                                  I've put it all in God's hands                                                                                                                                                         
                                                                   Cause he does know best

BY: Bernice Bowling

Giving Thanks

Some day when I get my mind straight

I will wright about what's on my plate

Funny how life works that way

My friends and family

There very close to me

I have good friends

You can count on them

My friends and family 

All love me dearly

And I love them

There all my family

Whether their by blood or by choice

I am blessed beyond measure

God has made me rich

In friendships as well as family

I have many blessings

Thank God most of all for my wonderful daddy

He's stood by me and been there for me

More times then I can count

I am blessed to have him

Thank God for the mother who raised me 

Took me under her dress tail

Cared for and loved me

When all else failed

She was my mother

I will for ever love her

And thank God for her

Thank God for my papaw

Who always took up for me

Leave that girl alone

She ain't doing nothing

Ha, ha my papaw was my protector

Now God's got him along with my mother who raised me

Together they were quite a pair.

Thank God for my aunt and uncle

Who were always there,

And helped raise me just as much

There love for me too 

Is beyond compare.

Thank god for my Little dog 

He was as mean ,and mischievous as anyone could ask for

Ha, ha how I loved him so.

He was such a rascal

I was sorry to see him go.

Thank God for my son

For without him

At times I would feel as if

I had no one

He makes life even more fun

He makes it worth living

He loves his mamma 

He takes up for me

He's very protective of me

He worry's about me too much.

He is such a sweet pea.
Were best friends you see

Thank God most of all for Jesus

Cause without him all this wouldn't be possible

We wouldn't be blessed 

With wonderful friends and family

For a christian home, was what I was raised up in.

Without Jesus we would have to live a life of sin

Doomed to hell , and a devils den.

Thank God for many things
A house, a home, a car to drive
Food to eat and places to go.
He provides for my every need
He takes care of the birds in the air
And he will continue to take care of me.

BY: Bernice Bowling

Care For Some Paranoia , and Panic Anyone?

No Title Just Tears

Joy, laughter , and tears
Cry's through out the years
Struggling for peace
Trying not to sink
The water is too deep
Darkness starts to creep
Fear try's to shake me
But I will not speak defeat

Rise up, shouts from within
Cheering for victory
Shaky legs that wobble
Get up from this bed
Let fear be gone
Come on let's get go
It's time to take a trip

Put on you cloths of wonder
Lets get out on the town
Dry your eye's
It's not time to die
You can make it through this.
One tiny step
Take another
Don't stop
Keep on stepping
Then your out the door

Feeling better
How's the weather
Smell it
That weather is yours
Get in your car
Start the key
Lets go past the county line 
Lets run to God
Just you and me.
Breathe in, breathe out
Now it's time to come back home
When it starts again remember your friends
Trust in God and you'll see 




By: Bernice Bowling

Ain't nothing tops Jesus. He's the best

When I Think About Jesus ?

I think about my friend
The one who is always there
The one who always loves you
The one who will never betray you.
There's safety in the arms of Jesus
There's victory in the name of Jesus
His own blood makes demons tremble
Jesus, Ahhh, what a name !!!!!

LOL there can be no other then Jesus
He is our savior and Lord.
Thank God for Jesus
He went to the cross
He died for our sins
I am so glad that we can find Jesus
When we ask him to cleanse us from all sin
To forgive us as we forgive others
Jesus, now that's a friend

BY: Bernice Bowling

Chinese Chicken Salad

I got this recipe from circle of moms.

1/4 cup sesame oil, dark (toasted)
1/4 cup peanut oil
2 tbsp rice wine vinegar
1 tbsp lime juice, freshly squeezed
2 tbsp dark brown sugar
1 tbsp peanut butter (natural style)
1 tbsp grated ginger
1 tbsp garlic, minced
1 tbsp shallot, finely minced

1 tsp sambal oelek or red chili paste (optional)
kosher salt
freshly ground pepper

Ingredients for the Chicken Salad

1 head Napa cabbage
1/2 cup roasted peanuts, coarsely chopped
1 bunch cilantro, chopped
3 green onions (scallions), sliced
2 cups shredded chicken

Preparation

Combine the sesame and peanut oils, vinegar, lime juice, brown sugar, peanut butter, the 1 tablespoon grated ginger, the garlic, shallots, sambal oelek, and ½ teaspoon salt in a blender. Blend, then add pepper and additional salt to taste. Set the dressing aside. (To make ahead, cover and refrigerate the dressing for up to 24 hours.)


Remove the outer leaves of the cabbage and cut off and discard about 1 inch at the bottom. Remove and discard the core. Rinse the leaves and spin dry, then cut the cabbage in half lengthwise, then crosswise into slices 1/8 to ¼ inch thick.


Just before serving, put the cabbage in a large salad bowl along with the peanuts, sesame seeds, cilantro, the sliced scallions, and the shredded chicken. Pour about two thirds of the dressing over the salad and toss gently, adding dressing as needed to lightly coat everything. Mound the salad on dinner plates to serve.  

Vegetable Pizza

I can of  croissant rolls                                         shredded carrots
8oz. cream cheese, softened                                diced tomatoes
broccoli, chopped                                                shredded cheese
shredded Cabbage
Cauliflower, chopped

Place croissant rolls in bottom of pizza pan and spread out. Spread your cream chesse on top. Then add vegetable toppings of your choice. They don't have to be like the ones above. sprinkle on shredded carrots and then the shredded cheese. Cover and refrigerate until ready to eat.    

By: Bernice Bowling                                    

Floating Peach Fuzz Brain

Have you ever felt like your brain is just floating around?

Imagine your brain is out in the middle of the ocean on a inner tube just floating around, and he just woke up totally surprised at where he is at, and he is like woooooooe  where am I at dude? How'd I get here? Woooooe .   Then that's when you discover that not only is your brain floating in the middle of the ocean but it's  growing fuzz too, like a peach.  You now have a floating peach fuzzed brain. By now I am sure your saying, " Girl, you have done went and lost your mind!"

But no, been there and done that. It's time to move on. Let me explain further :


It comes from feeling lost and alone, like you don't know where to turn. Like you're out in the ocean, and no one is around, and everything is out of your control and you can't get a hold of anything to push you back out on to shore. You don't know how to get a hold of the things you need in order to take charge of your life. You wonder how can I ever get hold of what I need to make my dreams come true.

How do you stop floating you wonder. You feel like you need someone to throw you an anchor, but If you knew how to get your own anchor you would. Lord help us search for an anchor to pull us back on shore and see our harvest come in. A good harvest not a bad one. Lord knows we have enough trouble as it is, lol.

There are steps we can take to pull us back on to shore, but the first step is trusting God. He can open doors that we can not see. Everything you need to make your dreams come true is right there around you. You just need to learn to see it. Ask the Lord to help show you the steps you need to take.

By: Bernice Bowling

What Makes Us Who We Are

                                                             
I was a child full of wonder and exploration. I explored the world with wide eyes and great expectations. Much like a puppy, but Oh did I find the mess. Whatever it was I got into its mess after mess, mistake after mistake. This continued on up to my adult years and is still going on. It's all a learning experience you see. 

The people who were put in our lives were put there for a reason. It's like a big giant melting pot that helps us to grow and become who we are today. It's hard to believe that some of the people we encounter on a routine basis were put there for a reason. Through the pain, heartache, laughter, and tears are they have joined us, and made us close to our families and especially our friends.

The experiences we share, along with the mistakes we make produce compassion and understanding. One who has made many mistakes will most likely be one who isn't so quick to judge his fellow man. I will take an imperfect person any day over a Mary Poppins want to be.  No one likes a negative judgmental person who has never made a mistake. That's why we have our friends. Someone warm and comforting to turn to when we need to talk.

Our friends are as much like our family as blood kin. If you don't believe me, have you ever watched sex in the city, now those girls were tight! What about the Golden Girls look what a bond they shared. Now I realize these are fictional characters, but who is it we turn to talk to when we need some understanding? Well, it's most likely a friend. Families are great. They are there for you when you need them and they love you with all their heart no matter what. I love my family but I love my friend as well.  They know your faults and you can laugh together when the crying is over. 

Now how does this make you who you are? Experiences, friendships, family, and your environment. We become and remain close to the people we have something in common with. The ones we can relate to. You want to know who you are take a look around at your friends. That's a better portrait than any I could ever paint. What a wonderful world we live in. Home sweet home.

Through The Laughter and Through The Tears

Laughter and peace have set in                                      
I can feel once again
This time I am wiser.
Living my life
I still try and save helpless animals
Even the humankind
I just want to be hurt again.

I love my friends
They're wonderful.
I love helping them.
It makes me feel needed.
Reaching out in a time of need
To help others.
That's the thing I most desire

What went wrong?
Where did I go wrong?
What's wrong with me?
These are the questions I asked myself
When everything fell through.
Still hurting, I'm almost healed, but not completely.
Inside I'm still bleeding.
Can't help the pain.
The feelings still remain.

Wrapped in a box inside my heart
I swallowed the key.
No one going to get me.
To much pain to go through
I've been through it all, almost
So tortured I rather have been dead.
No, No more Boy Friend's for me.
I'm staying free

Would you say I have been wounded?
I'd say I had been practically murdered.
Hearts have been laid up in the ER for months
Didn't think I'd pull through, but I did.
It got dark, so dark it was scary.
Storm passes

After the rain
You find the damage that's been done
That's when you rebuild
Time, enjoyment, fun, and grins
A whole lot of Laughter
Brings healing and strength
Through the tears  and through the laughter
I find friends. :)

By: Bernice Bowling 

Old Friend's

Death shadows over many.                                                    
Wishing you were here
Peppermint kisses to comfort me
Oh, what a thrill.

My shadows embrace darkens
My mind.
He comforts me
Helps me to unwind
He was a friend in college and throughout time

My forever man
Secret lover
My constant companion
Dangerous tides
Rolling in
Storms coming
He too is my friend
I love storm

He rains upon me
Blackens my face with his water
Cooling my hot embrace
The hidden treasure of darkness
Still left unleashed
HAHA wait until they get a glimpse
The real me
The dark one
The other me.

Waiting patiently
Trying not to release but to heal
They don't care
Stop and stare
Don't make peace
Make war with me
See what you will get
You might regret
I'm not a soft bunny rabbit
For you to pet.


BY: Bernice Bowling

The Willow Tree

                                             I see the willow tree                                                
Pretty is he
Blowing in the wind
He is love to me
My heart belongs to
The willow tree
He forever is my friend

Once when I was young
He lived in the front
I would swing on a swing
Talking to him
He grew older
He got dewormed
By an ax murder

The Willow Tree was my friend
To the end
So long my pal
Now as I'm older
I still remember
The willow
I called a friend.

BY: Bernice Bowling

The Wall

Anger boiling inside from where it comes,                      
I can't decide.
Hurt, mad,
I lie naked, trying to hide.

Running here and there in the middle of nowhere.
Isolated from anyone drawing nigh,
Still hurt, refusing to cry a tear.

Hardening my heart,
Allowing no hurt or pain to be here again,
Like a snake, I strike sensing danger will appear.

Desert winds blow cool at night
Shadows surround me in my fight.
Struggling to survive
Trying to breathe

Someone revive me
My heart starts to beat.
Cold winds, please surround me
Protect me, help me not to fear

Someone else is coming.
Shadows come here,
Listen to sounds of footsteps
Watch out, he might be near. 


BY: Bernice Bowling

STANDING OUTSIDE THE GATE

Standing outside the gate
Pain resurfaces
I want in Lord
But I'm afraid
Afraid of what?
I'm afraid of people
But why
What did they do to you?
Nothing, Just the stares, and the eyes
The gossiping and the lies

Panicky and alone
Standing outside the gate
Can I come in
Anyone can come in
Who accepts my invitation
I'm afraid, don't be
He wraps me in a blanket
Around my shoulders
He puts His arm around me, He walks me in

Protect me from the people
Don't let them get me
I want, nothing can harm you here
People are loving
That's a change
Where's the backstabbing and the talking?
It's not here
Where is it?
Not here.

Where did it go?
Where it was supposed to go
Where is that?
Back to its father
Oh
I feel safer, but I'm still afraid
How did you stop it?
I weeded out the tares
Where did they go?
Into the fire.

I'm sorry,
Me too
What do we do?
Nothing, it's what they choose to do.
Can we pray
We can always pray
If it's not too late
Is it too late for them?
Yes
What about them over there?
No
Then let's pray
Ok

Who's my intercessor?
I am
You Jesus?
Yes
What about the Holy Spirit?
He helps us pray
He does a lot, doesn't He?
Yes
I think I'm starting not to be afraid
Perfect love cast out fear
Where can I get it?
Through Me

Am I dead yet?
No, but you almost was
Thank you for taking me back
You're welcome
I'm glad to be home
I am glad too
I missed you
I missed you to Jesus
Can I have a hug
Sure

Remember when you go back don't miss church
Do I have too
It will give You strength
What about the people
They will be weeded out
It's time to go now
Read My Word
I will

What about the talking and the backstabbing
Pray
Keep your eyes on me not the world
Ok I will
Can you help me?
Yes
Now it's time to go
But I don't want to
You have to
It's not your time to die
Doctor, she's back
Shew, I thought we had lost her.

By: Bernice Bowling                                                                        

FIRE DANCING

FIRE DANCING

Energetically inclined,
Pressing on towards new horizons.
Smiling cat faces,
Dancing on the wings of time.

The newness of dew hazily pouring in,
Wetness on my skin;
Wiping away gentle drops of rain.
Shaman tries to cast his spell.

No more slaved enchantment,
Running free.
Winds blowing, cooly, brushing my hair,
Continuously existing voluntarily.

Pleasurable sensations hastily, moving,
Forward, down my spine.
Kindled emotions letting go,
All hell breaking loose.

BY: Bernice Bowling

My Vision / Dream of People Marching Into Hell !!!

                                                                                                           
I had a dream, I saw millions of people slowly marching mindlessly like zombies into the pits of hell. They were totally unaware of what they were doing. You couldn't yell at them to stop. no matter how loud you yelled or how much you waved your hands to try to get them to stop they just kept on moving. kept on going forward into the pits of hell, and it looked as if nothing would wake them up it was like they were zombified or asleep. It was so scary. I could not go to sleep afterward. I just wanted to cry.

How To Make Breakfast Gravy

Now I never could make breakfast gravy, but here is a recipe on how they say it's made : 

First, put you're oil or grease or whatever in the pan put just a little flour in it and brown that however you like it the more flour u use the thicker it gets then when you get as brown as you won't use a little milk then add water and stir it till it gets how you want it and the darkness depends on how long you let it brown before you add ur milk and water. the more flour the thicker it gets.

This was copy and pasted by a friend. 

My Mother's Love Through The Eyes Of A Child

Looking back and remembering through the eyes of a child, my mother's love. 

My mother adopted me at the age of 6 months old when I was left just here and there. My father loved me, but he couldn't take care of me, so my grandmother and my papaw raised me.  I saw my dad every day, but that is another story for another time.  This story is about my mother's love and what love means to a child.

Anyway, These are the times when I felt loved the most as a child. One memory, in particular, was when my mom, or mommy as I called her, would read to me, while I listened quietly and contently, kneeled at her feet. She would read to me, for what seemed to be hours on end. With me so enthralled in the story yelling " read another, read another," and she would until she grew tired and weary. She would sometimes read fairy tales and then sometimes Bible stories. Each of which she had read 1000 times each, lol.

                                                                                         

Another time, l was Underneath the kitchen table, where I played as I smelled the delicious aroma of whatever my mother was cooking. She would wipe the sweat from her brow, as she cooked, always making sure she fixed something special just for me. I was always a picky eater. She and I would sometimes even bake cakes together. She would let me stir and lick the frosting from the spatula after the cake was done. The very first cake we ever made was strawberry with cream cheese frosting. Mmmmmmm, I can remember the very first bite of that strawberry cake. It was truly mouth-watering as I bit into it with such child-like delight. 

My very Favorite memory was our long talks of the night that we would have. This is where I would tell her all my joys, and troubles of the day. She would give me her heart-felt wisdom and advice, and back up, lol. I had been being picked on in school,  and I had been taking it and taking it, all the time thinking I had to or I would be in trouble. Little did I know that when I finally told mommy and my daddy and papaw, that my whole family would be behind me in taking up for myself, lol. They said, "Berny, My name is bernice, they called me Berny, Don't ever start any trouble, but when somebody lays a hand on you try your best to kill um."  Now they didn't really mean for me to kill them, lol. Back then that was just a way of saying beat the snot of them so they will leave you alone. Well, anyway,  I was so happy. This was all I needed to hear. I went to school the next day, and when That boy messed with me again, I turned around and punched him so hard that his nose bleeds, lol. I had been picked on for so long at this point. I think even the teachers were proud of me, lol. From then on I never took anything off anybody until highschool, But that too is another story. 

Looking back through the eyes of a child when I felt the most loved was when my mom would spend time with me. Even when she would be busy doing something I could still feel her love for me just by being in the room with her. I really miss those days.

From The Lips Of Darkness

     In a woodland surrounded by foliage and nature, lurked an ancient creature,  scorned and filled with rage as she watched in silence. While thoughts flooded her mind of the one who scorned her. Her long, claw-like fingers rest upon her chin as she thought about the punishment that awaited the unaware.

     As beautiful as she was with her long, dark, wavy hair,  cascading down her back, and resting upon her ample, breast,  she was throbbing from the blood flow rushing through her veins that filled her with the passion of revenge. Her sensuous, curves transforming her into a beauty unmatched by nature. 

     Bloodthirsty and hungry, she opened up her lips to sing as he drew closer to where she was hiding.  She begins to sing softly, and hauntingly as the vines begin to wind and climb themselves into place. 

     What was that sweet melody,  he thought,  as he reached the edge of the woods. It was calling to him,  wanting him to come closer. Come closer, come closer into my dreams. Take my hand let me lead you the way, the voice spoke.

     Mindlessly, he walked into the woods reaching toward an unseen hand. The vines closing in behind him; blocking anyone else from entering in and preventing any escape.

     As he reached the heart of the woods, the land seemed to spread out. The music stopped. Looking up, he saw her, dropping down as if from what seemed to be out of nowhere,  and landing steadily on her feet like a cat.  She smiled, as she drew closer, him still not yet remembering, he watched this enchanting creature move with such grace,  until she kissed him on his lips. Suddenly fear gripped him as he thought he had seen this face before;  touched these sweet lips. Memories began to flood back to him from many years ago.......It was then he tried to scream, but no sound would come. He couldn't move. The vines were wrapping around him.  Now ridden and trembling in fear as he turned white, he knew who she was.  Her what once was,  normal teeth, now distorted into monstrous blades ravenous with venom, right before his very eyes. He watched in terror as she opened wide her mouth as she began to consume him little by little.

     She loved the feel of his blood flowing down her chin.  The taste of it in her mouth delighted her with an almost sexual glee and satisfaction. Feeling it and touching the torn flesh,  she could sense and hear his agony from deep within. There was none like it anywhere else. Oh, how she loved the excitement of the kill.

     Limb from limp she ripped him apart slowly and joyfully,  laughing,  hungrily, devouring his entire body; making sure to keep him alive so he could feel every ounce of pain that she bestowed upon him. Until finally when he had nothing left,  but his torso and head,  did she come down fast and hard, ripping off his head in an instant and swallowing it whole. leaving behind a bloodless upper body lying on the ground.

     She immediately drew back into the shadows of the woods, and her vines going with her. Leaving the torso behind for the beast of the forest.  She always did believe in feeding the animals.

BY: Bernice Bowling

The picture was done with photo editing, and I am not very good at it so please ignore it.  :)